Don't Let Someone Else's Sin Become Yours!

Don’t Let Someone Else’s Sin Become Yours!

On Judgements…

I grew up surrounded by judgmental people. Even the churches I attended in my early years were very judgmental and sometimes harsh. Close family members were very judgmental of others and had a spirit of criticism, so it was of no surprise that I had adopted those characteristics as well in my younger years. It was a learned behavior.

I remember my grandmother spending a good part of her Saturdays getting ready for church on Sunday. Her car had to be perfectly cleaned and detailed.  Her hair, nails, and clothing had to be perfect. The house scrubbed. The meal was all planned out and the cooking started early Sunday morning to be ready for a sit-down dinner after church, with the hopes that the preacher and his family would come by to eat.

In my early years we attended a small church that was made up of many family members from my mom’s side. Even as a young child, I found it quite odd that our family members acted differently at church than how I knew them to act outside of church.

One of my aunts had an alcoholic husband, but he didn’t appear to be “that way” in church. Even though people knew about it and gossiped about it and shook their heads in judgement. A cousin and his wife were very humble in church, almost martyr like, and were living with a heavy duty secrete from their past. I think they thought that no one else knew, but it too was gossiped about and judged.

Others had all kinds of struggles, and some of the other congregants had some real-life soap operas going on. But everyone seemed to clean up and pull it together for church!

I remember the tongue wagging at the church, and I remember the conversations at the dinner table after church. One by one each person who had made “the talk of the day” was ran down and judged because of the way they had acted in church or came dressed to church. Then there was the review of how someone’s children had misbehaved, or who had the smell of alcohol on them. (even though I witnessed several folks stepping outside for a smoke) Whoever came to church a little dirty with unruly hair always made the list. And sometimes, the gossip that was shared at church got spread around the dinner table.

The judgments in church and at the dinner table were cruel, but as a child, I seemed to soak it all up and found it entertaining. It was usually the men folk who would eventually put a stop to the smack downs at church and the dinner table, but a lot of the time, they would inject their own harsh judgments and those were usually the final words about a subject.

Many years later when I became an adult, I learned some very hard lessons about judgements. I got my come uppins’ for judging folks so harshly for their behaviors when I was a child and teen. I ended up with some of the same behaviors and even worse when I walked in the desert for thirteen years. 

I eventually came to a better understanding for the people that I had judged, after, I had walked in their shoes. I can truly say that I am one of the least judgmental persons. Over a year ago, an atheist friend in my life paid me a compliment. They stated that I was the least non-judgmental Christian that they have ever known and thought that I was pretty cool. That opened a door for further conversations with my friend.

Because of my past and the many lessons that I have learned, i.e. forgiveness, love, kindness, empathy, and because of the better understanding that I have of God’s love letters to us, I have no authority to throw the first stone…at anyone.

How Judgement Leads to Sins…

Many years ago, a young lady came to me for advice. Her father was on his death bed and she was clearly stating that she would never, ever go see her dad, and that she didn’t care that he was on his death bed.  Her reason, he had abandoned their family of ten children years earlier, leaving their mom destitute and having to fend for the family. This young lady was adamant about her decision and was ranting on and on about it, but, she was still wanting my advice on the situation.

Now, most people who know me well know not to come to me for advice if they don’t really want to hear the truth. Most know that I won’t be the person to wallow with them in their pity parties and help them break out in a whine fest! I won’t indulge any self-absorbed or self-centered motives either. If they don’t really want to hear the truth, then I ask them to move on.

This young lady did know me well and with that understanding, she still wanted my advice. So, my advice to her was very simple, “Don’t let your father’s sin become yours.”

She looked at me very perplexed. So, I explained it to her.

“Do not abandon your father like he had abandoned you, and do not judge your father for his past actions. You and your faith are not to be defined in this way because of what he did in the past.”

“Offer grace, offer forgiveness, offer him your love. This way you will be blameless, you will set things right for you, and regardless of how he reacts to you at this point in the game, you will not be held accountable for his actions, only yours. Do not let him leave this earth without doing this, for you will receive the gift of peace, and peace of mind.”

“By acting appropriately, you will not be hypocritical to the Christian faith, you will remain upright, and a leader in faith and actions. You will arise above what he had done to you in the past, and you will heal.”

The young lady twisted her lips and snarled, “I hate it when you are always right! Grrr….”

I just grinned at her as I walked away.

Appropriate Judgement…

Let’s explore when it is ok to appropriately judge someone and when it is wrong to judge someone.

We know that judgments through our courts of law are needed. Our court systems may not always get it right, but judgements through the courts are appropriate. The Laws of this country are in place for a reason and allows for suitable judgements to take place.

There are many reasons why we need laws: to regulate society; to protect people; to enforce rights and to solve conflicts. Laws prevent or deter people from behaving in a manner that negatively affects the quality of life of other people, therefore the consequences of breaking the law often fit the crime. (pp from Shirk)

So how do we know that we are not stepping into the sin of judgement?

It is not judging someone to exercise discernment about ungodly behavior or false teachings. It is not judging someone to be discerning about a person’s character, or to speak to them about sin. It is not exercising judgement wrongly to evaluate a person’s spiritual maturity, their doctrinal views and their shepherding abilities. These are appropriate.

When does it become wrong?

When you criticize a person out of jealousy, bitterness, and selfish ambition, rather than seeking to build that person up in Christ, it is wrong. When you assume you know all the facts and motives behind a person’s words or actions and set up human standards to judge by, rather than God’s word as the standard, it is wrong judgement. When you judge someone before judging your own sin before you begin to help someone with their sin, yep, that too.

You judge wrongly when you do it with a self-righteous critical spirit.

And the biggie: You judge someone wrongly when you make an authoritative pronouncement about their eternal destiny.

James says (4:12), “There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy. But you-- who are you to judge your neighbor?”

James is asking, do you think you are God? If not, then why are you setting yourself up as God? God will take care of judging the person that has wronged you. We do not have to, it is not our job. Our job is to pray for that person.

To (wrongly) judge another person is a sin against God. Keep in mind God could rightly send each one of us to hell, because we are all underserving when you get right down to it.

Romans 3:23 states, that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

Testing your Spirit: What to do if someone is DRAGGING YOU IN!

Here’s some tools, discerning questions, to use if someone comes to you with some great judgmental gossip.

Scenario: “Have you heard about Mildred?!?!  Why that Mildred! You would not believe what she did!!! I heard that there was a truck parked in her driveway ALL night long! And some man was seen coming out of her house this morning! 

(The truth, it was her brother.)

Things to ask:

1.     What is your reason for telling me?

2.     Where did you get your information?

3.     Have you gone directly to those involved to seek restoration?

4.     Have you personally checked out all the facts?

5.     Can I quote you after I check this out? THE KILLER QUESTION – stops the foolishness in a heartbeat!

Once again, it’s all about making wise choices! Don’t let someone else’s sin become yours. 

Debra Lee | Author/Speaker

"It Is What It Is...But It Wasn't A Tragedy" and "Making Wise Choices...the most important life skill to master"