Learning to Love the Person you found ♥

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found!

 

     Over the years I have heard women complaining about their relationships with the men in their lives. One case in point, a woman came to me several years ago and exclaimed that she was going to divorce her husband!

Now most people know not to come to me with their problems if they don’t want to hear the truth. I’m just leaving that here.

I looked at her and inquired as to what was going on. Her complaint: she was upset because her husband was not stepping up to the plate to be the spiritual leader of the family.

I was a bit annoyed with this person for her immaturity, but I kept that to myself. I asked her some questions to help her process her rant.

“How long have you been a Christian?” To which she answered, “All my life.”

“And how long has he been a Christian?”, I inquired. “A few years”, she shortly answered.

She basically answered her own solution to the problem but was too stubborn to see the resolution. She was expecting him to give what he didn’t have to give!

He hadn’t reached the spiritual maturity that she had, mainly because of time. And she was not willing to work with him to help him reach that level. She wanted instant gratification in her marriage of four years: a husband that would lead the family spiritually.

I simply told her that she would need to be the spiritual leader of her family until he gets there! She didn’t like my answer. I told her to go back in there and make it work with her Chrisitan husband. I also reminded her that she was barking up the wrong tree by approaching me with this. She knew that I’m married to an agnostic, and if I told her that if I can make my marriage work, then she should be able to make it work with her Christian husband.

So many times, people are looking for that PERFECT partner. REALLY?? There is no perfect partner. Yes, you can find someone who has a lot of the same interests as you, but no one will ever live up to the expectations of perfection.  

There are people who think they can CHANGE a person into being the perfect partner. Don’t even go there.

There are people who think that they can CONTROL and SUBMIT a person into being the perfect partner. Nope.

GUILT someone? NO!

Only a mature individual can meet their partner where they are today, now, accepting who they are. Whenever a person tells you or shows you who they are, believe them. Don’t try to change them or even think that you can.

Getting to know a person well, while you are dating and before you get too far into the relationship, will help you determine what they will have to offer to the relationship. Learn what they are gifted in, their limitations, expectations, their love language, and be okay with it or move on.

If you have determined that you can live with the traits that the other person is displaying, and you want to move forward, then you must learn how to love the person you have found. This is how couples who have been together for years make it work. As your relationship ages, you basically become melded together. You put the other person first, learn each other’s body language, know what the other person is thinking, their needs, AND CAN WORK THROUGH THE TOUGH STUFF!

A rolling stone type person may call this ‘SETTLING’.  Settling for less than, instead of continuing the search for someone who would be a better fit and can meet needs better. You know, someone who will give more to a relationship than the “rolling stone” wants to give, and with no tough stuff! 

I call it DEVOTED and COMMITED. Devoted with unwavering love from the heart, with a commitment from the mind, to love that person, that imperfect person, through all the growing experiences and those crazy curve balls that life constantly throws!

No relationship is perfect. Needs will not always be met, happiness will not always exist, you will not always be joined at the hip, as the saying goes, and things will get in the way. Life happens and your relationship won’t always be pretty.

You’ll find yourself in different corners at times. Coming together and meeting in the middle to resolve issues is a real thing! People just don’t know how to compromise, settle a dispute by making concessions, anymore. Everyone wants to keep score and be right.

Simply put, relationships take work, hard work from both parties. It takes skills in communication, patience, devotion, and commitment. Relationships challenges us to be better together, and they are to be handled with care, grace, forgiveness, and love.

To love the person you found is a wonderful gift.

Love is…

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

♥

 

This article does not pertain to anyone who is being abused, mentally or physically, in a relationship. If you have found yourself in this situation, please reach out for help and find safe shelter.

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Debra Lee 

Keynote Speaker | Biz Coach | Life Coach | Author | Blogger