sweetness to the soul and health to the body.
When I
wrote my autobiography, “It Is What It Is”, I had to re-live my experiences
from the past. The sad, hard, hurtful, and scary experiences were the most
difficult to write about, of which, for the most part, I had healed from before
I started writing the book. There were days, when I was at the computer
writing, that tears were falling down my cheeks and I hadn’t realized it. The
writing was therapeutic.
As I recalled my years in elementary school, it took me back to the hurt of words. I attended elementary school in a small community where my father was the Sherriff. Our family kind of had a bullseye painted on its back. My father and our family were threatened quite often, though as children, my brother and I were kept from that knowledge. My parents protected us from harm as much as they could.
When we started school, our innocence was cracked open just a bit. It didn’t take us long to experience the harshness of words and the meanness of spirit that lives in some people. There were bad days of name calling, ridicule, and bullying towards us children. Most harshness was thrown at us about our father.
You might be thinking, that’s just childhood play. Normally, that is so. This didn’t come only from our classmates though. Our teachers were involved in it as well. My first-grade teacher stood me up in front of the class on several occasions to basically make fun of me. One time, she had me stand up in front of the class and made the proclamation that I was stupid.
I will admit that I had been damaged by the words that I heard as a child. I didn’t trust people and I started a dialogue with my inner self that was damaging. I was stupid, I couldn’t learn, I was ugly, I was awkward and didn’t fit it, I was left out of things because I didn’t belong, the list goes on and on, until I became a very shy introvert, afraid of my own shadow child because I didn’t know how people were going to react and treat me.
As I aged into teenage hood and our father became the Police Chief, I became calloused to the offenses, became an advocate for those being mistreated, and became a people pleaser to a fault. And I mean to a fault. I eventually came out of my shyness as I took on anger and bitterness. As an adult, the insulting words that I heard during my childhood created a low self-esteem and manifested itself into not living a life holy and pleasing to God. I also entered an abusive first marriage. Not making excuses for my choices here, but I now understand better why those things happened.
Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Many have caused their own death, or the death of others, by speaking false or injurious words.
Words can harm and kill a spirit. Words will instill negative self-talk. Words can destroy relationships. Words can be so damaging that a person can never recover from them. Words can be so detrimental that people have taken their own lives.
Matthew 12:35-37 says, “The good person out of his own good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure will bring forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgement people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
We will have to account for how we have used our words. And for the here and now, there are several verses in the Bible that state that if you want your prayers answered, you must treat people right.
“Set a guard, O Lord,
over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!”
We’ve all said things we have regretted. We’ve all let things out of our mouth that we wish we could take back. Sometimes we have found ourselves in a situation that has the potential to get out of control. And sometimes we have said things innocently or incorrectly with no malice intended at all and it ended up being taken out of context and it hurt someone. In all these situations, we are left scratching our heads and perplexed, how did we get here?
The school yard was a great teacher for me. I consider the lesson of words as a character builder and count it as a tool in my belt. Today, I carefully consider my words and the tone in which they are delivered. I would never want to hurt anyone, especially with words. But it has happened, mostly unintentionally, but it has happened.
If we are awake, we are using our words. Social media, email, text, person to person and sometimes we are doing all at the same time! (You know who you are, you multi-tasker, you!) What can you do if you find yourself in a situation that has gotten you sideways with someone?
After spending many years of dealing with the public, where things can go terribly wrong and quickly, I developed three rules for myself to help me keep my mouth in check. (Of course, the Bible is another tool for everyone to keep their mouths in check if you take its warnings seriously on this topic.)
2. Rule #2. I refuse to try to rationalize with someone who is irrational. I will simply ask them to calm down or leave. I put distance between us and ask them to come back to the discussion calm, with a clear head, and with a precise and clear request or agenda so that we can speak rationally with one another and come to a conclusion that will meet their needs as best as possible.
3. Rule #3. I must always remain calm, on the outside. (Sometimes my insides get shredded!) If they started the difficult situation, they own the stuff, you don’t. Remain respectful, acknowledge, and validate the reason they are upset. Ultimately, they are the owners of their inability to control themselves, so don’t let them get to you. Your ownership in this is to keep yourself under control.
Apologies are never overrated! If you hurt someone with your words, intentional or not, apologize! Some people, because of their past experiences, are extremely paranoid about the words they hear. They read anything and everything negative into a simple statement, and they get hurt. Be sensitive to this. Watch responses to your jokes, or your style of slapsticks humor. If you feel that you have offended, apologize!
Children are like sponges and they believe the words that adults have spoken to them. Be careful of your words when you must deliver a punishment for bad behavior. Children need encouraging positive words and affirmations. Build their character, fill up their souls, help their spirits sore!
The world would be a greater place if people would contemplate their words before speaking; words that speak sweetness to souls.
Debra Lee, Author | Keynote Speaker
Life Coach, Business Coach
Blogger
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