I will begin
this story with the ending. I chose life and to live life.
If you read my
book, you know that thirty-six years ago yesterday, New Year’s Eve morning, my
fiancé died. He was a city firefighter and had a house fire call early that
morning. He tried to rescue a woman inside and both perished.
It was a gut
punch. I was in shock and numb.
The gut
punches kept coming. It didn’t end with the funeral. Because the event was so
highly publicized, I had to deal with the media, crazy people trying to reach
out to me, and of course, I gained a few stalkers. There was the autopsy, the
court battles, the settlement of the estate, and the drama involved in all of
that. City officials had to interview me
and even though the fire department tried to protect me from the crazies, a few
busted through the gates.
One of my
stalkers was intent on harming me. My brake lines were cut, and people were
being paid to infiltrate my business and personal life. Other mysterious things
were happening to me, which led back to my stalker. This went on for two years.
It was
beastly.
Being able to
grieve was almost impossible to do with all the drama that surrounded his
death. I had physical and mental side effects from the shock. I had suicide
ideations.
Two days after
his death, a dear friend, in her wisdom, told me that God had another plan for
me, a perfect plan. It was hard to hear, but I knew she was right. Her words
stuck in my head and are why I didn’t drive my car off the bridge. I needed to
see what God had in store for me.
I also heard
from well-meaning people. They tried to be helpful. Some stammered their words
because it was awkward for them. Most people don’t know what to say when
tragedy strikes, and it does become uncomfortable. One person said they didn’t
get what all my carrying on was about. After all, we weren’t even married!
She didn’t
understand my grief. Never mind that we had known each other for thirteen years
and were very much in love. Never mind we were to be married in five months,
and he was retiring from the city in six months. Never mind that we had planned
a life together.
There is more
to the story, but I will jump ahead.
How did I
survive, not only his death but the horrific images that played on the
television, for weeks, of the scene and them trying to revive him and watching
his arm fall off the gurney? How did I move forward after all the drama of
having a stalker for two years?
God.
But for God. I
survived.
Scars. Yes, I
have scars. Always will.
Forget? I
won’t forget. But the years have lessened the pain of a broken heart and the
loss of a good friend.
Forgive. Yes,
I forgave my stalker and those who tried to create a coverup of what happened
at the scene.
I chose to
live and to live fully. I was able to trust and love again.
Together with
God, we worked on my issues and dealt with the pain and drama of my past life.
Together with God, he made me a new person. The drama made me a stronger
person. A strength that I chose to use for good.
James 1:2-3: Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,
whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of
your faith produces perseverance.
I use my life story to help others. I would have never guessed that I would become a keynote speaker and author of two books that are used to help women struggling with life. I would never have seen that coming! God knew!
The Bible
tells us there is a time for every season, including grief. (Ecclesiastes
3:1-8) We are not to live in grief. Do not stay stuck in that state. And don’t
let anyone guilt you into staying there.
It’s okay to
laugh and to enjoy life again. It is of no disrespect to the loved one who
passed. Our loved ones would not want us to have a sad life. Life is for the
living, not for the walking dead. Yes, the stuffing can get kicked out of us, and
we can take a beating, but we can pick ourselves up and move forward. It’s a
choice.
During my
period of grief, I had a neighbor who didn’t like that I was happy and joking
around. She seriously proclaimed that I was being hypocritical. My response to
her was simple. Why would I want to ruin everyone else’s day because I am
having a bad one? It stopped her in her tracks.
It’s a matter
of choice. We can live as victims/martyrs and be sad all the time, or we can
live the life that God has planned for us. We can have a life of goodness, joy,
and love, or let our hearts turn to stone and build walls. We can do God’s work
and do what He purposed for our lives, or we can disrespect Him by laying down
and shutting down. Living = Action.
Everyone’s
circumstance with grief is unique to them. Some deal with unsurmountable grief.
I can never imagine someone else’s grief. Many have asked me if I went to
counseling for help. I did not. It was just me and God working together.
However, it is okay to go for help and I highly recommend it!
I have lived
long enough and looking back on that period of my life, I can see how and why
things happened the way they did. God did not bring on the tragedy, that’s not
a thing. Circumstances did. But He was there for me with comfort and peace,
teaching and helping. God only wants the best for His children.
Our time on
earth is a learning pad, a place to develop skills, knowledge, and experiences.
It’s a place to grow our faith, do God’s work, and look forward to our promised
reward of heaven. We should never give up.
The Apostle
Paul speaks of joy in his letters, urging believers to be joyful even in
difficult circumstances. The Bible teaches us that joy is a gift from God, something
to be celebrated and shared with others.
God asked us
to do life joyfully! Even through the tough stuff.
Wise choices.
Joy and thankfulness. God. That’s how I survived.
If you are
struggling with this issue, I recommend a book called “Good Grief” by Westberg
Debra Lee | Biz & Life
Coach | Author | Keynote Speaker | Blogger
Books: “It Is What It Is…But
It Wasn’t A Tragedy” | “Making Wise Choices…the most important life skill to
master”
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