My grandmother was a very strong
person in many ways. There wasn’t anything that she couldn’t do; she could fix
anything, sew, cook, and had a green thumb. She was a union worker working in a
meat packing plant. She was smart with business affairs, amassed wealth, gave
generously to anyone in need, and financed the church for a lot of projects.
She taught Sunday School, could play piano by ear, and well, any instrument she
picked up.
She was of strong faith and loved
God. And without a doubt, she loved her family endlessly.
My grandmother was eighty years
old when she was diagnosed with dementia. I was there that day when a psychologist
tested her and gave her the diagnosis. It hit us like a ton of bricks, just a day
after my dad had passed.
We didn’t have time to grieve his
passing as we had to hit the bricks running to take care of my grandmother. We
had already unplugged her stove for safety before the diagnosis, as we had
found the kitchen smoky a few times.
I remember when I was assigned to
take the car keys from her. Mom just knew that there would be a fight, so she
trusted me to make it happen without incident. I knew that grandmother wouldn’t
know what happened to the keys, so I removed them from the kitchen table and
took them with me. She never inquired as to where the keys were. Several weeks
later, I found her sitting in her car with the door open, looking lost. She
never asked about the keys, I think she knew and knew why.
I would bring her some cooked
meals and check in on her. It was during this time that I gave grandmother the
teddy bear. She loved it. Grandmother loved dolls and teddy bears.
My mom was still working at that
time, but she would do what she could after work. Mom lived next door to her,
so it was easy to check in.
At one point, I asked my
grandmother if she was afraid of dying. She said she wasn’t. But what she was
fearful of was what the disease would do to her mind. That was something that
she had always been afraid of her whole life… losing her mind.
It didn’t take long before she
started seeing little people, chickens running across the room, and a dark
shadow that would creep across the floor, as though it was coming to get her.
She was most afraid of the dark shadow.
We brought in daytime nursing
care to help. Grandmother never wandered around at night. Once she was in bed,
she was down. The daytime help was absolutely a Godsend. We didn’t have any
issues or worries about the care they gave her.
Grandmother and I would have a
few days when she was bright. We would laugh and giggle about the past and all
the shenanigans that had happened. On one bright day, she asked me what I
thought about the little girl standing in the corner watching us. I looked at
her and grinned. “Grandma, you know there is no one standing in the corner, right?”
She got this sheepish grin on her face, like she used to when she was pulling a
prank. “I know.” We laughed and laughed about it. It was a good day.
Grandmother only lasted two years
after diagnosis. She had fallen over the top of the toilet and was there for
hours, squishing the air out of her. When my mother found her, her lips were
blue.
She made it through that episode
after weeks in the hospital. This close call made it very clear that she needed
to go into long-term care. She didn’t have much of her mind left at this point,
but she knew she wasn’t at home and stubbornly refused to eat much of anything.
Two weeks after going into care,
she succumbed to pneumonia.
Dementia/Alzheimer’s is beastly.
It can turn people into someone we don’t recognize. One of the things that I
learned through the process is to meet them where they are. Place yourself in
their world, acknowledge their fears, and comfort them when the dark shadow is
about to get them. If they are talking nonsense, don’t correct them; go along
with the conversation. They don’t need to be corrected, reprimanded, or left
feeling less than. Their fears are real, what they are seeing and hearing is
real, their confusion is real and scary.
Secondly, I learned that it is
also okay to ask for help.
One in four families will be
affected by dementia/Alzheimer’s. The number in the USA is expected to double
by 2030. Learn about this disease, recognize the signs, learn ways to slow down
the process, or try to prevent it. Gain some skills in preparedness. Most
likely, someone you know will be affected.
By the way, I still have the
teddy bear. I love the fact that it reminds me of my grandmother and the person
that she was; full of life, beautiful, kind, generous and a loving person.
#alzheimers #grandmother #family #dementia
Debra Lee | Biz & Life
Coach | Author | Keynote Speaker | Blogger
Books: “It Is What It Is…But It Wasn’t A Tragedy” | “Making
Wise Choices…the most important life skill to master”
