Q&A with Debra

 

Q & A with Debra

This month’s Q&A applies to personal relationships as well as business.

“I’m a business owner and I was wondering; how do I know if I can trust a person that I want to enter a partnership with? It isn’t anything formal, like contracts, just partnering in doing some things together. I don’t know them very well.”       ~Anonymous

 

Thank you for your question! The simple answer is Do Your Homework and use your discernment. If you have a bad feeling in your gut, walk away, regardless of how enticing/pretty/profitable the situation may appear. You do not have to accept every offer/deal/circumstance that is presented to you. Not everything is a good deal.

Here are some things that you can do:

·         Check out their social media sites. This includes any personal pages.

o   You can learn a lot about a person’s morality, what they support, what they stand for, look at any heated discussions they get into with followers, or if their posts are naughty and rude. If nothing lines up with your standards, move on.

·         Depending upon if a formal contract is in store, do background checks.

o   Check out their credit report for financial worthiness.

o   Check for any criminal records – in all states, not just the one you are in.

§You can use a service to do this with. The last time I used a service the fee was around $25. I’m sure it has gone up a bit.

o   All contracts should be written and signed by all parties involved. Non-compete clauses should be in place if two separate entities are working together with access to each other’s clients.

·         Ask around.

o   Check out any personal and business references. Remember there are always two sides to the story, so use a lot of discernment with this one.

§ Who knows them, what has been their experience with the person?

§ What network/social/church groups do they belong to? Ask some members.

·         Any my favorite one is…test their spirit.

o “Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world: (1 John 4:1)

§ This is saying that sometimes people’s truths are very often close to the truth, but not the truth.

o   So how do you test the spirit of a person? What kind of fruit do you see the person producing?

§ "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." (Galatians 5:22-23 NIV)

·         Do you see any of these qualities listed above in the person? Are they doing good in the world? Do they help people or take from people? Are they rude, unkind or filled with goodness? Do they have a negative spirit vibe? Is their speech filled with encouragement and hope for others? Or do they drag others down, gossip, and slander?

Remember, there are no guarantees even with doing your homework. At some point, you must trust your discernment and gut feelings after you have weighed up all of the information you have gathered and make your decision. Be choosy with who you associate with, their reputation can either help or harm yours.

Submit your questions to the newsletter through the online form! 

Debra Lee

Author/Keynote Speaker/Life Coach/Biz Coach/Blogger

Books: "Making Wise Choices" & "It Is What It Is"

Own Your Stuff! A Life Experience Story with a Junkyard Dog

 

Own your Stuff!

A Life Experience Story with a Junkyard Dog

Once upon a time and many years ago, (like a really long time ago, yes, I am old), I had a very interesting experience that is worth telling you all about. I hope that through my telling of this story that we can all gather some strength and face our stuff when we get called out.

One of my early jobs was working in management for a large corporation. I worked with another manager who ranked just above me a bit. After a few years, we both left the company to go on to do other things.

I went on to management with another company. At my new job, I had to work with a manager who was meaner than a junkyard dog. No exaggeration. No one wanted to be around her or have any interactions with her at all costs. She was great at burning the skin off people with the fire that came out of her mouth. She had a very negative spirit and was not a nice person.

Moving forward several years later, I now owned my own business and was working a bunch, so it was hard for people to reach me. This was before home computers and cell phones mind you.

One day, and after many tries, the manager I worked with at the first job called me and I happened to be available to talk. He had hired an employee and was having a lot of difficulties with her. He had found out through the grape vine that I had worked with her in the past and was inquiring of my help to figure out how to handle her. His intent was to fire her, but some circumstances were getting in the way of him being able doing that.

He wanted to know what my experience was with her. I told him the truth of what I had experienced and what I had witnessed, her personality, and her report with other coworkers. He confirmed that was the same thing that he was experiencing as well. We discussed some options for him to try. He thanked me for my help and that was the end of the conversation.

Several weeks later, I received a phone call from the junkyard dog. Word had gotten back to her of what I had told her manager. She went to yelling and screaming out her vulgar language and throwing out her nasty spirit. I never interrupted her as I quietly and patiently waited for her to stop.

Her rant finally ended with, “Did you say those things about me? Did you?”

I said, “Yes, I did!”

Her response was, “How could you do that to me?”

My response back, “I didn’t lie, did I?”

There was a short pause, then she chuckled and begrudgingly said, “No.”

In which I replied, “Then I think this conversation is over.” And I hung up the phone.

Lessons:

Never say anything behind someone's back that you wouldn’t say to their face. I have found this to be the best policy.

Own your stuff. If you said it or did it, own up to it. Yes, you may take a hit/bruise/whatever, but it will gain you some self-respect in the long run. And if it was an offense, you will have a better chance of being able to ask for forgiveness and make things right again.

Debra Lee

Author/Keynote Speaker/Life Coach/Biz Coach/Blogger

Books: "Making Wise Choices" & "It Is What It Is"

Integrity ~ Excerpts taken from the Lecture Series written for the book "Making Wise Choices" by Debra Lee

 

“Integrity”

~and suggested book read.

 

The greatest test of integrity is whether we will do what is right at our own expense.

Definition of Integrity: Adherence to moral and ethical principles, soundness of moral character, honesty, the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished, a sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition.

The difference between character and integrity is that character can be taught, while integrity comes from the heart. It cannot be changed or polluted.

Case Study: “The Day America Told the Truth” By James Patterson and Peter Kim.

Using a survey technique with guaranteed privacy and anonymity, these authors were able to document what Americans really believe and do. The results were startling.

Here is the brief:

1.    Americans are making up their own moral codes. Only 13 percent believe in all of the 10 commandments. Forty percent believe in 5 of the commandments.

2.       Americans are not honest. “Lying has become an integral part of American culture. We lie and don’t even think about it. We like for no reason.” The authors estimate that 91 percent of us lie regularly.

3.       Marriage and Family are no longer sacred institutions. “A third of married men and women confessed to us that they’ve has a least one affair. Thirty percent aren’t really sure they love their spouse.”

4.       The Protestant work ethic is long gone from today’s American workplace. Workers around America admit that they spend more than 20 percent (7 hours a week) goofing off.”

The authors concluded by suggesting that we have a new set of commandments for America:

1.       I don’t see the point in observing the Sabbath (77 percent)

2.       I will steal from those who won’t really miss it (74 percent)

3.       I will lie when it suits me, so long as it doesn’t cause any real damage (64 percent)

4.       I will cheat on my spouse; after all, given the chance, he or she will do the same (53 percent)

5.       I will procrastinate at work and do absolutely nothing about one full day in every five (50 percent)

We may say that we are a nation that wants integrity, but apparently a majority of us lack it in our own personal lives.

 

From Dr. S. M. Davis

Integrity is the unwavering determination in the heart to do right no matter what.

“When I’m afraid, I must do right. When I’m not afraid, I must do right. When my emotions try to lead me the wrong way, I must have integrity. I must do right. When my emotions are doing fine, I must do right. When I’m among the heathen, I must do right. When I’m not among the heathen, I must do right. When I’m among the committed Christians, I must do right. And when I’m among Christians you can hardly tell apart from the world, I must do right.

When my friends stand with me, I must do right. When my friends attack me, I must still do right. When my friends turn on me, despise me, make fun of me, and put me down, I must still maintain integrity. If my wife and children stand with me, I must do right. If my wife and children don’t stand with me, I must do right. When it’s easy, I must do right. When it’s hard, I must do right. When there’s no cost, I must do right. When the cost seems high, I must do right. When people like it, I must do right. When people don’t like it, I must do right. That’s integrity.”

Stand up for what is right, even if you stand alone.

This book is still available online.

Debra Lee

Author/Keynote Speaker/Life Coach/Biz Coach/Blogger

Books: "Making Wise Choices" & "It Is What It Is"

 

Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?” (Esther 4:13-14 NLT)

“For such a time as this” invokes courage and hope among believers. These words inspire us toward that one defining moment we all long for—our chance to make a difference. 

Over the last 25 years or so, my “assignments” were being given to me through my jobs. God put me on these mini missions, short term assignments, all right here in Wichita so that I could help others.

Most often I was placed in positions of leadership and influence.

I have a background of 40 plus years in business development & marketing with a tiny degree from a private fashion merchandising school that opened doors that I never thought would be possible…but God.

It took me a while to understand what was going on as I moved from one entity to another after short stays of three years or less. I always trusted that God had the next step in place, and He did, and it was always a step up. I realized that I was placed in these positions to HELP and make a difference.

Sometimes it was to help rebuild a dyeing company, or to find finances for a business, or help negotiate a business lease, or to help a business shut down while helping the employees, who were losing their jobs, process & know that they were going to come out okay.

I think God chose me for these assignments, not just for my knowledge and care for others, but because I don’t mind change. I don’t mind God taking me to new locations to do His work, to show His Light, all to make a difference.

My last contracted position was only for two years. I knew that, and God had told me that. Yet as my contract was coming to an end, the non-profit I was working with approached me to become a permanent fixture with a wonderful salary. Tempting. But I reminded them that God had told me no, that I could only stay two years.

I didn’t know what was next, I just trusted.

A lot of women have been helped At the Market! And a lot of friendships have been formed that will last a lifetime.

I don’t believe in happenstance. We also helped women who had wondered in off the streets in dyer situations. We were able to get them to the right resources. There was absolutely no reason as to why they landed at our location. There was no blinking red sign that said, “get help here”.

Here's a short list of some of the women we helped:

·        A lady who was released from county jail and walked to our location with no shoes. (Several miles.)

·        A woman and her three-year-old son, who was dropped off and abandoned by her husband in the streets of Wichita with no money or cell phone.

·        A woman who had been beaten and left on the outskirts of Wichita and walked to our business for help.

The stories are endless. But for such a time as this.

After closing Sunni Daiz Inspiration, which I’ve had for 10 years, and closing At the Market! which I’ve had 5 ½ years, I am waiting for my next mission assignment. I am almost 67 years old and am excited to see what God is bringing next.

The takeaway from this writing is it doesn’t matter how old you are, but how willing you are to listen for it as it is spoken to you, and how willing you are to take on the God assignment. God has equipped you for it, no matter how scary it may seem. It may not be very big, it may be small, regardless, do it anyways. You will find blessings beyond measure! Go out there and make a difference! 

Debra Lee

Author/Keynote Speaker

Books: "It Is What It Is" & "Making Wise Choices"